P4B- "Me"

You Found Me - The Fray

The days were bright and sunny—

the times of monkey bars, dashing from cooties on the playground, galloping free and wild in the realm of imagination

the times when the sun still wore a smiley face and the sky had no limits.

We could try to pluck the stars

and in failure had no need for shame,

because there were infinite chances to shape

the future of who we became.

We dove into a flurry of sports and arts

to see in which we would be a prodigy;

the pursuit of this particular year: clogging

And it was there, in that long, mirrored hall in our clanking tap shoes, where we met.

Her with the contagious smile, curly afro of Asian hair, the gregarious personality of a golden sunflower;

Me, the shy little girl with big, searching eyes, curious like a kitten, yet quiet like a mouse.

That was when our paths crossed for the first time;

the first intersection and not nearly the last.

Through the years, we saw each other countless times—

lives crisscrossing en route a talent search:

one time, mastering the delicate art of striking tunes on keys black and white.

And then, by that last circumstance of chance, a final endeavor did seal our paths to intertwine:

to sit side-by-side, determinedly conquering the eccentric wails of the oboe,

together for seven years.

And together we were—laughing, crying, fuming, comforting, sharing.

Bonding through music; bonding for life.

Merging.

closer and closer

to becoming

best friends.

Closer and closer,

to becoming

One.

There we were, fates written in the stars.

Enthusiastic she, beckoning forth the blooms of my personality;

me, counteracting her close companion named melodrama.

We did everything together:

eventually we spoke the same, we thought the same.

We were the same.

-“The Asians”

---“Joined at the hip”

-------- “The package deal”

--------------- “Two peas in a pod”

Real words unnecessary;

Sentences completed themselves.

Full conversations spoken with no speaking;

shifting eyes bringing forth dangerous outbursts of laughter,

a language tacit between only two.

News told to one was understood to be told to both.

Both naïve’. Both so innocent.

I was she and she was me.

Our paths had coalesced;

together, we strode down a single road.

Through the years,

through extravagant birthdays, countless moments of hilarity and sheer joy,

through first heartbreaks, family fights, cancer battles.

Together, we made our pilgrimage

until one day, that time came…

that forked road, that forked moment.

There we stood at the edge of a dark forest, an unchartered land

unable to see any farther

but armed with axes in hand and the ability to carve out our paths.

There we stood, so unsure.

Unsure of what was to come, unsure of what to make of it.

Unsure of who we were supposed to become.

Unsure of the future.

Do we forge a path together?

Two heads are better than one, they always say.

Or do we become our own axe wielders?

—slowly etching divergent courses into the storybook of humanity…

……

Here I stand,

Alone.

Alone, I lay broken.

Alone, I struggle to even lift the axe.

Alone, I have no confidence.

Alone, I am no one.

The thicket and weeds are taking over,

they threaten to strap me down forever;

I can’t escape this.

No phone call on this first birthday away—

A lost soul writhing from neglect and empty promises.

Who was she? An illusion, a wild figment of my imagination?

Who was I?

Who am I?

Confused.

Scared.

Abandoned.

Desperate.

Homeless.

Aimless.

Exhausted, of creeping along so slowly…

……

Up ahead, I see someone!

Enthusiastically hacking, chopping away,

creating a path.

Who is this girl?

A former innocent, all grown up.

“What the fuuu…” what did she just say?!

And a boy alongside, his arms, lips,

permanently attached,

to my other half.

A changed half.

Now, I’m a different half.

An unmatching half?!

Distresses deluge: the jigsaws might not fit.

Still best friends, but one no longer.

This thought sickens me:

I

run,

run,

run.

Fast.

Frantic.

Far.

Away.

To get away from the reality of being

nothing like her.

My mind booms:

What happened back there?

I don’t know, I scream.

But I do: I can’t bear to admit

I know now—

I am not she, and she is not me.

I pace in futile circles,

treading into the ground,

into me:

I am not she, and she is not me.

I am not she, and she is not me.

I am not she, and she is not me.

Me.

I am me.

And I have been all along.

I have never been anyone other than me.

She is a dear part of me.

We are interconnected,

but we are not one and the same.

Me and her.

Her and me.

—not synonyms.

I am my own.

I have my own path.

The laden axe fatigues me less and less;

determined confidence lifts a former burden.

Carve, carve, carve.

Create, create, create.

Dream, devise, shape.

……

And hullo there! Come, we meet again—

Best friend!!! she squeals.

This time, a connection:

A reconnection.

Once again,

laughing, dancing, dreaming;

a new version of old times.

And once again, also,

the eve of goodbyes;

on this occasion, a searching reappraisal of one another.

I’ve missed you so much, I tell her;

I’ve missed you too,

it’s so great to see you—you’re exactly the same! gleefully, she exclaims.

Thus, we separate, in the nostalgic dew of early morn;

back to our own paths, yet surely to meet again.

……

On the way back, I reflect upon those ringing words:

“You’re exactly the same!”

Exactly the same? I mourn.

All this chopping and shearing done for nothing…

No, no, this can’t be true!

But after a survey in the mirror, it does appear so:

I look the same, I speak the same.

I think the same, I act the same.

There is no indication of growth or transformation,

No extraordinary, abrupt difference, as in everyone else.

So sad, so sad…now was the time for change!

......

Back to work, here I go,

on this fruitless, meaningless journey

mindlessly hacking away at everything I see.

Ah! Here I’ve stumbled upon a huge tree!

Too big for me; I can’t do anything.

What am I to do?—I must do something.

Well, it is a beautiful tree; I wish to do the least damage.

Anyways, I should be saving the forest, not cutting it down.

As I deliberate and think these thoughts,

I suddenly become aware.

Aware that I am now aware.

One year ago, would I have been so mindful of the tree?

Would I have been so determined?

The answer is no, because the truth is yes:

I have changed!

Slowly yet surely, I am sculpting who I am.

The spinning base is the same, I am just subtly chiseling away.

I am the same, I am not the same.

I am different, I am not different.

The big forest is the same, I am just paving a little path.

Today, standing on the stone I placed yesterday, I place the footpath for tomorrow.

I am a fusion of the past, present, and future.

A fusion of all the words I have heard, all the sights I have seen, all the people I have met;

I am an amalgamation of everything that I have learned from the world, of everything I love.

But I do not become everything that I love:

I am not the color green;

I am not a star, black hole or supernova;

I am not music;

I am not my dysfunctional family;

I am not my best friend.

I do not have to be any of these.

I can pick and choose among the qualities of each,

Whichever ones I wish to unify and hammer into “me.”

And the catch is, there will never be,

a single me.

The idea of me can be captured,

at any moment, at any time;

but for the rest of eternity,

I am continually changing.

Shearing.

Sculpting.

I am a continuum of new thoughts, new ideas—the only constant is change.

This is me.

And though I’ve tried to describe it with words,

it is impossible to tell you who I am

because frankly I do not know.

All I know is that I will be here in the forest,

the once daunting wild thicket,

now a forest of opportunities—a grove of possibilities.

A chance to transform, a chance to grow into myself.

I will be here in the forest,

forever working

not in unison, but in harmony with my best friend

working to create the beautiful, intricate design of two paths,

of her and me—

Us.

List of Illustrations:

1. “Clogger”-Personal Collection

2. “Peas in a Pod”- Personal Collection

3. “Laughing”- Personal Collection

4. “The Thick Forest”- http://farm1.static.flickr.com/62/167650432_2e3ff050cf.jpg?v=0

5. “Crossroad”-Personal Collection

6. “Puzzle”- http://www.leadermagazine.co.uk/images/uploads/657.jpg

7. “Running”- http://www.totalwellnessconsulting.ca/images/running%20forest.jpg

8. “Reconnection”-Personal Collection

9. “Mirror”- http://www.lakewoodconferences.com/direct/dbimage/50285586/Framed_Mirror.jpg

10. “Huge Tree”- http://photos.igougo.com/images/p382416-Virginia-A_Huge_Tree.jpg

11. “Intricate Design”- http://www.northnorfolk.org/sheringhampreservation/default_1793.asp

Word Count: 1,456

Blogger URL: http://kajalm-worldliterature-e603.blogspot.com/

Song Lyrics: The Fray- You Found Me

I found God on the corner of 1st and Amistad
Where the West was all but won
All alone, smoking his last cigarette
I said, "Where've you been?" He said, "Ask anything."

Where were you, when everything was falling apart.
All my days were spent by the telephone that never rang
And all I needed was a call that never came
To the corner of 1st and Amistad

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me.

But in the end everyone ends up alone
Losing her, the only one who's ever known
Who I am, who I'm not and who I wanna to be
No way to know how long she will be next to me

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
[ The Fray Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me.

The early morning, the city breaks
And I've been calling for years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
You never sent me no letters
You got some kind of nerve taking all I want

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, Where were you? Where were you?

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late, you found me, you found me.

Why'd you have to wait, to find me, to find me?